This past week was Joshua’s due date but surprise surprise he’s already been here for 3 weeks! In case you have not had a chance to hear, he arrived on June 7th, was 6lbs. 3oz and was 20 inches long. His arrival did not quite go as planned but we are thrilled and grateful to have him here and in the midst of this Spokane heat, I am so glad to not be pregnant anymore.
Joshua’s original due date was June 24th. The plan was to take the first weekend in June and get the house ready for his arrival. On the list to get ready included setting up the bassinet, getting diapers and formula, finish getting the house organized, finish packing the hospital bags, pack a bag for Benaiah to stay at his grandma’s while we were in the hospital and then a few remaining miscellaneous tasks. Honestly I was looking forward to the weekend of getting everything ready. I enjoy cleaning, organizing, planning and implementing a plan. However, God took my plan and reminded me how much control I actually do not have and how faithful He is even when things feel chaotic, unprepared and scary.
The road to Joshua’s arrival actually began on May 29th. I went in for a scheduled ultrasound. The only reason for the ultrasound was to get a measurement on the baby. I had been doing virtual appointments and since they had not been able to measure me, the doctors just wanted to verify everything was on track. At the appointment, the doctor mentioned there was some concern about the amount of fluid around the baby. I was to come back a week later for another ultrasound and really focus on increasing my water intake. I was told that if the fluid was still low, that would most likely signal my placenta was getting weak and they would need to induce me at 39 weeks. A week went by and we headed in for our next ultrasound. The doctors discovered that not only was my fluid lower, but I had lost almost all the fluid around Joshua and they could only find one pocket to even get a measurement. The doctor gave us two options, I could get admitted to the hospital now and immediately start the induction process or I could take a few hours to get some things situated and then return and begin the induction.
To be honest, my brain froze and all I could think was “but this was not the plan.” My mind started looping through the list of items I had planned on accomplishing over the weekend. I started worrying about Benaiah. We had been gone most of the afternoon and I had not prepared him for us to be suddenly gone, especially gone for several days like the doctor told us to prepare for. We opted to get a few things ready and return in three hours. On the drive home, Nick grabbed my hand, reminded me that even though this caught us off guard, it did not catch God off guard. We prayed on the way home for peace for us and Benaiah, protection for Joshua and a speedy and safe delivery. For total transparency, I was struggling wrapping my brain around the delivery. I had been much less anxious and scared (and sick!) this pregnancy but suddenly everything felt new and uncertain and out of my control. I am noticing more and more that I struggle with control and surrendering it to God. As we checked into the hospital though surrendering to Jesus was my only option.
There were several instances that reminded me there was nothing I could do but surrender my fear, my control, my plan, my life to Jesus-starting with my IV. This may be a weird brag but I have excellent veins. I have been told this my whole life and I have never had any issues with IVs. However, this time, each time they tried to get my vein for the IV, my veins would roll. By the end of the experience, I had three different nurses make the attempt in four different spots, I had two bruises, a blown vein and they finally had to bring in the ultrasound machine to watch my veins to start the IV. The nurses felt incredibly bad, my arm was sore and I now had a reminder that things were not going as planned.
Even with the amusing list of unexpected events: three-week early induction, silly veins, 3-day induction process, extremely painful cervical exams, Covid precautions, running out of snacks for the hubby, having to wait to push for the doctor to come as 6 pregnant ladies all decided to deliver at once…God was so good and I honestly would not have changed a thing. Joshua arrived healthy, safe and “quickly” (once he made up his mind to finally come.) Nick and I had some extended alone time in the hospital that we have not had in a while. I had some wonderful prayer and worship time and God has started the process of working on my control and fear issues. I will willingly admit I have a long way to go, but I have started the process. God is so good and patient with me.
I can imagine for a lot of you, life does not look like how you planned right now. I know many of you are facing hard things, scary things, things out of your control. Can I encourage you that you are not alone? You do not have to face it on your own. Keep pressing into Jesus, even when it does not make sense, even when no one else understands or stands with you, even when it feels too hard-keep pressing in. God is there. Feelings are not facts. God’s word, His promises, are true even in the midst of what you are facing. The plan seems like a mess right now but it is not a mess to God. You can hold onto and trust Him. It is hard to remember that in the moment, but I have the history of my relationship with Him that has proven that. Hold onto your history with Jesus, and if you do not have history with Him, it is never too late to start building it now. You do not have to bare the weight alone. God wants to carry it for you and walk with you. He loves you; you are His personal concern (Matthew 11:28-29; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:6-7; Psalm 18:6; Psalm 55:22.) You do not have to adventure alone and if you ever need to talk about this crazy journey with Jesus, you know where to find me.